How to Tell If You're a bit of a Slapper* You've had 3 different men in your bed on 3 consecutive nights, and you're not on holiday in Ibiza * People say is that a belt when referring to your new skirt * You buy all your jewellery from Argos. * You have more than one pair of knee high boots. * You've never met your best friend's boyfriend/husband. * You wake up regularly in strange beds, or in strange underwear. * You never wear knickers when you wear a mini skirt. * You got expelled from school for having sex with a student teacher on the premises. * When you started work you got sacked for having sex with the tea boy in the stationary cupboard, and the whole office watched it on the CCTV. * You never wear knickers- always thongs. * You think crotchless knickers are cool. * When you get drunk, you seem to always end up flashing your tits to everyone around you. * Doreen from 'Birds of a Feather' is your role model. * You buy 'PlayGirl' magazine. * The local GUI clinic has a mailing list exclusively for your contacts. * You think that orange actually is your natural skin tone. * Half the neighbourhood knows you go for the full Brazilian wax. * When you meet your boyfriends dad you realise he looks all tooooo familiar.... Readers Suggestions * You like getting your ears pulled by strangers * You only shower before going out on the pull. * Essential handbag items include bright red lippy, femifresh and clean tights. * You have been advised that you can only take the morning after pill so many times in one month * You have difficulty finding someone new to have sex with in your town. * Your school skirt is rolled up at the waist, shortening it by about 12inches. * In the office you think that the photocopier is a seat. * You wake up regularly in strange cars * The label in your knickers doesn't indicate size so much as how many minutes you go without shagging someone at your local nightclub. * You've slept with your best friend's boyfriend/husband. * You think big gold earrings are hip and trendy. * You use hoop ear rings for supporting your legs. * You think wearing rings on all available fingers looks kewl. * You take pleasure in wearing little white newlook dresses with gold buckles and no underwear. * You've been on the television show 'The Villa' * You think yellow-blond peroxide color is "kewl" * You are a walking equal opportunities policy and will sleep with anyone regardless of age, race, religion, marital status .. * Your "roots" are always showing. * At the nightclub, you have used the toilets for sex with strange men while your bf is waiting at the DJ box! * You always have to wear your boots when shagging. |
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